Tales from the apocalypse

Edinburgh on lockdown

I thought the apocalypse was going to be a little more thrilling than this if I'm honest. I pictured the world in flames, with aliens chasing us and stomping on us as if we were ants. Turns out, for me, it just means feeling the usual dose of existential dread. There's still a bittersweet sense of normality in all this anxiety. We're gonna be fine, they tell us and we want to believe them.

We're not seeing the end of the global pandemic yet and in just under two weeks it's already changed our lives and taught us a few lessons. Here's a list of ideas that are being learnt or reinforced since COVID-19 attacked the earth.

1. People on "low-level" jobs keep the world go around. 

And, of course, in theory we always knew this. We need the nurses, the carers, the shop assistants, the delivery people, the farm workers, I could continue. We know in reality they are just the lowest-paid jobs, not the lowest-needed jobs. So why do we continue to scoff at these people and treat them like shit? Next time you feel the need to tell you niece it's her fault she doesn't have money 'cause she works at Lidl, remember that you need people to restock your shelves and cash the twenty packs of toilet roll you're buying. This leads me nicely to point 2...

2. We don't need nearly as much toilet paper as we thought we did.

The first few days of panic buying here in Scotland seemed terrifying. Suddenly the shelves didn't have any toilet paper and we were slowly starting to run out in our flat. But hey! Who needs four sheets when you can actually make do with two? Actually who needs toiler paper at all when we've got showers? (Was this too graphic? Wait, did I make it graphic now by asking? My apologies). This just made me learn we actually need less stuff in general than we think we do.
But also, if you're wondering where all the toilet paper went, here:

3. Rich people suck. 

Rich people and celebrities are taking quarantine as an opportunity to show us their mansions: bright open-spaced rooms, with big TVs and pool in their yard and tell us how bored they feel with it all. All of this while we, the carers, in our shared, single-glazed window flats move from the bed to the couch to the floor to the bed again. But hey, we at least have a flat with a bed and a couch and a floor. Some people don't even have that.

4. Romanticising quarantine sucks.

"Take this as an opportunity to grow. To develop that skill you never have time for. To meditate. To be in touch with yourself. To read that book. To learn to cook that meal. To..." *eye roll*

I mean, I'm certainly taking the opportunity to do some of these things and if you can find the mindset, energy, and motivation, please be my guest. But for a lot of people, quarantine is incredibly anxiety-provoking. Not to talk about people who suffer domestic violence and now have to stay home in potentially dangerous situations (read more on that here).

Also, shall we remember we're not staying at home because we've all collectively decided to take a break from life? There's a pandemic. People are getting sick and unable to work and others are dying. 

Also, we don't have to be productive to be valuable in a time like this. It's a constant struggle in a world that deems you unworthy of basic humanity if you're not busy and not productive. So, don't feel like you have to create the next hip-hop hit or finish that novel. Actually, if you can just lie down, take a deep breath and just be a little compassionate with yourself, I'm already proud of you. (She says, as she feels like shit for not being productive for a day).

5. Videocalls both suck and save our lives.

Do I need to say more? Videocalls make me crave for a hug more, as we lean in closer 'cause there's always that friend with a bad connection (turns out, that's me) or the wee numpty speaking too far away from the phone. Messaging is exhausting. Sending voice clips all the time is also time-consuming. Here's me, a millennial, whining 'cause communicating is so easy and so hard. But you know what, I miss humans up close. Someone give me a cuddle after this? All that being said, messages, video calls, bad Wifi signals, and voice clips are saving us all. I'm so thankful. How did people in other decades and centuries survive lockdowns?

6. Studying from home sucks.

I've not been able to focus. My chair is too uncomfortable. My lecturers made online platforms a mess this year. Also there's a pandemic. So studying pharmacology suddenly seems less urgent than before. I'll never complain of our cold, bleak lecture halls and our libraries again. (Actually, I probably will, I'm human after all, and we're known for forgetting things easily!)

7. Feeling anxious is okay.

If you're feeling absolutely out of your depth, know you're not alone in that feeling, as this personal anecdote has probably proved. 

We're trying to do the best we can. There's no right way to feel about this, we've not exactly been here before. If you're taking this time to improve that skill then go for it, if you can't really move and feel worried about loved ones or the state of the world right now, I hear you.
In times like these, surviving a bad day sometimes is all we can do. Try and reach out, slow down, take a deep breath. There's tomorrow.

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Note: I wrote this weeks ago. I'm only posting this today, because I didn't like it the first time I wrote it. Here's a little fuck you to my hyper-critical inner voice.